Critics At The Movies (In Their Dreams!)

Ever wonder how the movie critics see movies? In luxury and comfort, right? “A tuxedo-clad greeter checks your coat, offers a hot towel, and escorts you to your enormous, plush red seat. Beautiful women in flowing gowns roam the aisles, offering Belgian-chocolate covered popcorn, warm spiced apple cider with top-shelf rum, foie gras hot dogs, and an assortment of light meals flown in from L.A.’s The Ivy–all for free. There is a cigar bar in the back, just under the projector, where single malt scotch flows like the ocean in ‘Waterworld.’ A direct line to Harvey Weinstein is always open and celebrities wander in and out, happy to answer any questions reviewers may have.” Not!