“The world of classical music was in turmoil this morning when officials of the Professional Orchestra League revealed that seven principal players of the New York Philharmonic had tested positive for steroids and would receive automatic life suspensions from the league.” In other surprising industry news, the principal clarinetist of the Cleveland Orchestra has been demoted to the minor leagues, and San Francisco has traded its concertmaster to St. Louis for “its entire flute section and a violist to be named later.”