The new movie about Vermeer is more of a mockumentary than a documentary. “The Vermeer film’s pedestrian seriousness and fustian reverence are their own eventual parody: I found myself giggling in the intervals when I wasn’t fidgeting. Biopics like this are the cinema’s equivalent of putting a blue plaque on a wall. “Vermeer slept here”. So may many moviegoers. Nothing wrong with serious style of course, except when married to a stupefying triviality of content. As an exploration of art’s pains and processes, Girl with a Pearl Earring has all the profundity of a Mills and Boon novel.”