Someone Get That Critic A Bodyguard

Hey, look! It’s a movie critic who doesn’t like the Lord of the Rings movies! Why, the nerve of that guy! Everyone loves LoTR! Where does he get off? What did he just say? It’s too long?! “Every time you think the final credits are about to roll, another scene lurches in, adding another chance to look at your watch in awe and wonderment at how much sheer footage the film has.” Grrrrrr…