The Oscars, Tightly Scripted

The Academy Awards are serious business in Hollywood, but producers are well aware that the minds of their audience may be elsewhere if the Oscars are held in the midst of an invasion of Iraq. The show will go on, regardless of the political situation, but new rules are being imposed, and organizers say they will be strictly enforced. Rule #1: No one wants to hear actors in ball gowns spouting their political opinions. Rule #2: No paper lists of people to thank. Rule #3: For that matter, thank more than five people, and the orchestra will play you mercilessly offstage.