Music As A Football Match

Football’s popular. So maybe classical music ought to be more like football, writes Julian Lloyd Webber. “In future, all concerts must be refereed. Points for performances will be awarded and performers’ league tables established. Issues of promotion and relegation will be keenly watched by merciless, gum-chewing managers, who will have their chosen substitutes from the youth team eagerly waiting on the bench. Wrong notes will be severely penalised and performers adopting too slow tempi will be yellow-carded for time-wasting. String players using over-sentimental portamenti – and pianists who over-pedal – will be justly punished ‘for bringing the music into disrepute’.”